i’ve always had a lot of feelings. they seem to just come flooding into life – impossible to cover up or keep myself dry with any sort of “keep out” or “I don’t care I’m trying to be cool” attitude. an on-going, never-ending roller coaster of emotions. and i seriously hate roller coasters.
i think when you’re in high school – and even for most of college – you can typically get by with the idea that although you are feeling so many things you will one day, “figure it all out.” a few years ago thanks to a couple cynical relatives i realized that this was total crap and not only was i never going to figure it all out – i was always going to feel like this.
it was right around this time that i also started drawing. it was all about being a smart ass and trying to make my friends and family laugh – often times when things were really sad, but also when they were happy. i guess in hindsight recognizing that i am probably always going to have all these crazy emotions also reminded me that i can grab them by the balls and try to turn them into something i enjoy.
it’s a work in progress – but cheers to hoping we can keep making stuff that makes us all feel a little bit less crazy.
there always seems to be so many things. so many things to do, so many things to see, to read, to watch, to hear and to pay attention too. (there even feels like there are too many things to say about there always being so many things!)
it can be really hard to feel like you are staying centered or balanced or whatever – and to know that you are hustling (like this kind of hustling) and challenging yourself to move forward while also appreciating what’s already around you without getting burnt out. that’s something i definitely haven’t figured out yet – and one of my current things within all the things i tend to struggle with.
i have a 45 degree curve in my spine. well, actually two curves – but the 45 degree one is the bigger one in the lower part of my back. for a long time growing up doctors tried to convince me to get surgery to straighten me out (i.e. put metal rods in my back to support my spine.) something about it never felt right so i put it off for as long as possible.
about five years ago i met a girl sitting next to me on the plane who also had scoliosis but had gotten the surgery. i asked her about it as we both did awkward stretches to relieve our pain on the plane, and she told me that even though she was technically “straight” now, she still had a lot of pain and had to work just as hard to have strength in her back.
i don’t think i realized it then – but this glimpse into her own personal experience helped me avoid back surgery even when it seemed like the only option, and to work towards being stronger and pain free without the metal rods. in retrospect it seems simple and somewhat obvious, but realizing that regardless of what so many doctors said – technically, all of our spines are curved in one way or another and being straight doesn’t necessarily mean being “better.” years later, i still think about this idea – but in so many more aspects of life than i would have ever imagined.
i’ve officially reached the final hours of my kickstarter campaign! can’t believe how quickly the past month has gone by. i’m so grateful for everyone who came on board to support the campaign and got a book.
can’t thank you enough. and i’m so excited for you to see the final copy!
if you haven’t gotten a book, you have the rest of today to do so! visit the campaign page here.
truth is – i’m really nervous. i’m also really excited. i’m 75% funded! doing a kickstarter is definitely a roller coaster ride, and i’m counting down the days until the campaign is over. so close yet so far. if you’ve supported me in any way this past week, thank you so much again. i can’t believe how awesome everyone has been.
if you haven’t seen it yet, i’m in the middle of a kickstarter campaign to self-publish a book of my drawings: http://bit.ly/ifeelweird
let me know what you think, and please share with anyone who you think might like it. i still have 23 days, and i want to try to get this book to as many people as possible!