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brainstorming peaceful ways to take over the world.

Posts tagged i feel weird

On May 2nd two years ago, I was screaming in my car trying to take a one-handed selfie, feeling like I had won the internet:

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I had just successfully funded my Kickstarter campaign – and after 9 days, and probably 1000 emails later, I had reached my goal to make a book. It was one of the greatest moments, and definitely the most money I’ve ever had in my bank account at one time.

My older sister had done a Kickstarter, and warned me that the campaign takes a lot out of you. “You think your project is over when you get funded, but you’re just getting started. Give yourself a lot of time.” She’s typically right, so I listened and did give myself a lot of time. Side note: if you’re reading this and thinking about doing a Kickstarter, give yourself more time than a lot of time. You’ll want it.

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I was pretty close to being finished with a draft of the book when the campaign was funded, but I had barely begun the nitty gritty part. Once I had all 100 pages (painstakingly narrowed down from 500-600), I still had to make sure each was scanned and made to be fit to print.

I didn’t know much about scanning and printing images – so I googled a ton and tried to find decent and trustworthy information. It was tough. Only a few of my favorite visual artists actually answered those questions online – but the ones who did, I read religiously. I googled what pens they use, what color, whether they scan their drawings then ink them, or just scan. There wasn’t much – but when there was, it felt like a text book in how to actually do this straight from the people who do.

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I could go on and on. There’s so much that I could write about the process of making the book and doing the Kickstarter. The late hours, hundreds of stacks of paper, self-doubt and self-obsession, elation, and most importantly feeling like you may never actually finish it and will be embarrassed for the rest of your life. But in the end, you hold something that feels like a gem you carved out of a rock or cinder block. The finished product has its problems – the resolution is screwed up on a few pages, there are a few spelling errors, etc. But all in all, it’s mine, and I managed to actually do it.

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I write all this because 2 years later, I think its about damn time I do this process again and make another book. It’s fun to reflect back, because when you’re in it and right after, there’s almost too much going on to have any real perspective.

I’m excited to have that perspective now while I make the new book. There are many things I know I can do better, and now I have a better sense of how. My biggest fear other than failure (which is typically my biggest fear), is that when I did the Kickstarter I had all of these backers put their faith in me to deliver. That was without a doubt the greatest gift. Now I need to figure out how to do that on my own, without the extreme pressure of already having so many peoples money. Ha. We’ll see how it goes.

For those of you that have supported me since the beginning, thank you. I couldn’t do this without you. And for anyone else, I hope you’ll stick around. It means the world to me, and I’m so grateful for the support.

Check out the book here.

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i’ve always had a lot of feelings. they seem to just come flooding into life – impossible to cover up or keep myself dry with any sort of “keep out” or “I don’t care I’m trying to be cool” attitude. an on-going, never-ending roller coaster of emotions. and i seriously hate roller coasters.

i think when you’re in high school – and even for most of college – you can typically get by with the idea that although you are feeling so many things you will one day, “figure it all out.” a few years ago thanks to a couple cynical relatives i realized that this was total crap and not only was i never going to figure it all out – i was always going to feel like this.

it was right around this time that i also started drawing. it was all about being a smart ass and trying to make my friends and family laugh – often times when things were really sad, but also when they were happy. i guess in hindsight recognizing that i am probably always going to have all these crazy emotions also reminded me that i can grab them by the balls and try to turn them into something i enjoy.

it’s a work in progress – but cheers to hoping we can keep making stuff that makes us all feel a little bit less crazy.

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there always seems to be so many things. so many things to do, so many things to see, to read, to watch, to hear and to pay attention too. (there even feels like there are too many things to say about there always being so many things!)

it can be really hard to feel like you are staying centered or balanced or whatever – and to know that you are hustling (like this kind of hustling) and challenging yourself to move forward while also appreciating what’s already around you without getting burnt out. that’s something i definitely haven’t figured out yet – and one of my current things within all the things i tend to struggle with.

how do you find balance within all the things?

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the final hours!

i’ve officially reached the final hours of my kickstarter campaign! can’t believe how quickly the past month has gone by. i’m so grateful for everyone who came on board to support the campaign and got a book.

can’t thank you enough. and i’m so excited for you to see the final copy!

if you haven’t gotten a book, you have the rest of today to do so! visit the campaign page here.

IFW-oh my god what am I doingwe never really know the right way, or right thing to do, do we? i’ve been feeling a lot of uncertainty these days. fear is a powerful emotion and can make you feel all kinds of crazy… but i just try to remind myself that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. plus – i’m making a book! and i’m sure as hell not uncertain about that (nervous, definitely, but not uncertain!)

if you haven’t checked out my kickstarter, you still can! i’ll be selling books for another 7 days.

i’ve officially reached my funding goal!!! i can’t even believe it. (i feel like I keep saying that these days, but it’s true!) thanks to all who supported the campaign, and after only 10 days, i get to make this book! this is so huge for me – i’m ecstatic and so grateful for all the incredible people in my life that helped me do this. my heart might explode. for real.

the campaign will continue for the next 20 days, so more people can still get the book! (now time to plan and budget some stretch goals; hopefully something that gives all of the backers something new… hmm)

oh, and i get to head east tomorrow bright and early to see my family! things are really good. here’s a celebration photo from the car earlier:

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my heart might explode.

that’s basically the main emotion i’ve been feeling today. (the 6 cups of coffee also probably didn’t help).

either way – the first 12 hours of my kickstarter are complete! i managed to get through what feels like the hardest part: actually clicking launch. i woke up at 7am, made coffee, wrote more emails and from 8:59 to 9:01 stopped breathing. and now i can look back and say i’m 39% funded in 12 hours!

i’m so amazed at all of the support and encouragement i got today. the internet is so fucking cool. (and i have some ridiculously awesome friends and family.)

IFW-dear internet thank you

now, onto the next 29 days!